if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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