I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
