This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
