I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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