And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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