Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
