I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
