girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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