he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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