dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
