A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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