Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
