I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
40s are totally the cure
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
