I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
