I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
