just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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