so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
