Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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