She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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