I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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