I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
