I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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