I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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