i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
