And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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