weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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