You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
