I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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