so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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