I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
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He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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