why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
