I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
