Quick, to the slutcave!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
