In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
