so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Randomize
