Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
