i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
