It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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