The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
