super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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