so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm passing your future prison.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
