his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
