Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
