would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
