OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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