my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
