I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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