you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
