she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
