my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Less talking, more tequila
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
