I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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