Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize