Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
