Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
