Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
