I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
