I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
