Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
