If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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