I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
