I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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