My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
