hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
