im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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