I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
