The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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