Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
3pm strippers are depressing
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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